BFF!

When you see some people you know that it was meant to be. I felt that when I saw you for the first time. I knew that we could be best friends for life and those miles of land in-between or years without a word uttered cannot undo it. I knew it then, but with time that faith took a beating.

I still remember the first time I saw you, my eyes were filled with tears and your mouth was curved with a smile. Irony I thought, while I cried you smiled beamingly at me. That smile made me realize the warmth in you. It felt like gentle morning sun in midst of a retreating monsoon cyclone time in east coast of India. It tingled through my skin make me feel that we were akin.

I can never forget the pride with which you introduced me to all your friends and family. You were drunk with pride and happiness, it made me so happy, but I never showed it on my face. I continued to act like I was asleep. I was naïve to understand then that I was ignoring my best friend for life.

You used to be my only playmate. I used to be your doll. I felt that it was my ceremonious duty to guard you as you cooked or rode by a bike to a nearby grocer. Irony was that you were taking care of me and not the other way round. We ate together, and spent every other second together, like Siamese twins. And the tantrums I managed to throw, oh, what a bother I was.

Then came a day when I had to leave you to stay with bunch of people dressed in the same way as me. In boring green and white pinafore and ugly ribbon too.  I was secretly happy. At last people like me. Though I love you I must mention that we didn’t look the same. You were so big (and fat) next to me. But everyone else there was crying. I didn’t know why. I thought that is why we were there. To cry! May be it was a magical procedure to please the rain Gods. Trust me, we could use some rain. Some even jumped and shouted. I watched in amazement and eventually joined them knowing nothing better to do.

Time went by, I made few other friends. You still happened to be my best or one of my best. We would have our long conversations over lunch on the sofa. Of what happened through my day. It made me feel wanted, important-center of you world at the least.

Then out of the blue you became fat, especially around your stomach. Everyone asked me to stay away from you. I thought that you were hurt, honestly! Pinkey got hurt once and her head swelled like a balloon. I thought that you were hurt on your stomach, and bad one at that. But in matter of few months it became alright. But there was a new person in the house. She was smaller than me. I like that she was smaller. But I didn’t like it that she ate into my share of the lime light.

She was messy and didn’t even walk. I went away during the day. But you both were together always. I wanted to take her with me to show her to my friends and how small she was. But you wouldn’t let me. Soon I understood that we are together forever the gang of girls.

From that day on till today, I swear, I still remember the first smile. Some say I too have it. May-be. But never as beautiful as yours….

Plan B

He looked into my eyes anxiously, with hopes of hearing a “Yes!”  To his surprise I got up, eased the creases in my gray skirt and said, “Thank you, for the offer sir! But I have other plans.” He gave an uneasy smile. We nodded, shook hands and yet again I smoothed the creases on my skirt and I left.

I waited for the lift, wondering why he didn’t ask me what my “Other Plans” were. There he was hoping that I would take up the job as Marketing Head of the tools division in his company and I said no because of “Other plans”. Neither did he ever want an explanation from me, nor did he coax me with new and improved salary. May be he knew, maybe he sensed that I had a Plan B.

All my life I have travelled the length and breadth of this country selling everything from pins to ships. 17 years into marketing and sales can feel like an eternity especially for a person like me. All that grounded me was my lovely 12 yr old daughter, Aneesha.

It was for her that I had always post ponded my Plan B. It is hard to take care of a daughter as a single parent. But she was in all means thoughtful and aiding me in the uphill task. It was her choice to go to a boarding school, in hopes of better future. I begged and pleaded her not to. But she wouldn’t listen. She asked me for just one chance, to be by her own. I could see myself in her. I asked the same thing from my parents nearly 2 decades ago, when I got an admission from IIM-A. Time flies. Now my daughter asked me the same. “Give me a chance.” There is no point holding back when children are sure about what they want. I let her fly.

Ever since she left, my burning desire to follow my Plan B increased. When I was a little girl, I used to cut out articles about exotic places throughout the world from magazines and newspapers. I collected it all in a yellow cloth bag from one of the famous shops in town. My family taught me to aspire. My father would never buy fancy clothes for me or adorn me with jewelry but he would even skip a meal to buy me a book I was dying to read. Once in a while he used to take us to very fancy restaurants, not because he had cash to spare. He felt that by going there I can see the other end of life, the end where money grew on trees. Dad used to say, “Cultivate your own money-tree; nurture it with love, dedication and hard work. Live in its shade and be generous to invite those suffering from heat and rain. Remember; grow your own money tree.”

All my life, I worked for that tree so that my family would be safe. Sad! The tree couldn’t save my husband from that horrid accident. But it ensured that Aneesha and I were in its shade, safe from the heat and rain. Time healed the wounds. Now she grew a pair of wings and flew to test the air. I used to fret, what if the air is too hot or too cold? What if the bigger birds beat her up? Then I learnt that she had started work on her tree. That is when my desire to implement plan B grew to the size of a super nova.

I always wanted to travel all the places I used to dream of as a little girl. That was my plan B. Now that I have money and time, I wanted to follow my plan B. I would use no map, make no plans, just absorb all I can see, breathe in everything and live every moment. With a smile on my face I felt the building, called for a taxi and left to the airport.

Why Blue?

I have often wondered why the sky is Blue. I knew later that it was due to scattering of light rays. The blue color of the sky is due to Rayleigh scattering. As light moves through the atmosphere, most of the longer wavelengths pass straight through. Little of the red, orange and yellow light is affected by the air. However, much of the shorter wavelength light is absorbed by the gas molecules. The absorbed blue light is then radiated in different directions. It gets scattered all around the sky. Whichever direction you look, some of this scattered blue light reaches you. Since you see the blue light from everywhere overhead, the sky looks blue.  But why Blue? That question never died. Of all possible 7 colors from the VIBGYOR, why Blue? There is a reason for every creation of God. And yes, I still do believe in God and that the force created all that we know. Some say, everything came from nothing. Then, that nothing is God. I am not pious as I used to be but I still do have my long and soulful conversations with my creator.

In one such conversation, I asked him what matters more “Go to the beach with family or sit back and write an article for a competition? And yeah why Blue?” He didn’t say a word. It is a question that He smartly shuns away from. After continuous pestering He did give in. “Small things make a difference when large once fleet away.” I couldn’t get it then. But later it all made sense. The wavelength of blue light is small and hence it is absorbed and scattered. The wavelengths of other colors like red are long and hence are not absorbed. He meant more I am sure. Oh yeah, I went to the beach that day.

Bright Blue Bus

I should have missed the bus,

I should have got up late,

I should have called a day off,

I should have taken a cab.

Of all that I could have done,

I came in that bus,

Ugly hideous blue bus,

Not to mention the bad seats.

The journey of 22 km,

Standing in the whole way,

On black stilettoes,

Hands over rusted rod.

My eyes stared out,

Yours stared at me,

Piercing through me

Hoping that I will give you the attention you deserve.

My hair flew in the wind,

As if grew a pair of wings,

Fluttering with joy,

Tempting you to grab it.

You stretched your hands,

In hopes to touch me,

You smiled and winked at me,

Lips frowned when I dint notice.

The attention seeker,

The cutest one in that bus,

With dimpled cheek,

You were a heart throb.

I did see you,

A little while later,

It was love at first sight,

I gave a beaming smile.

In the blue bus,

Of all sad and detached people,

You made my day,

You made me fall in love.

I too longed to hold you tight,

Watch you smile,

Fiddle with your hands,

And never leave your side.

But I quickly saw,

That you can never be mine,

Another woman held you tight,

With no intentions to let go.

I was secretly jealous,

And absolutely longed,

But to have,

A son like you.

Clear Vodka

Her small yet heavy head was resting on the edge of a sofa. The pattern of the 3 seater was were boring and it faded with the background. There was a sweet smell of strawberries on it always, Meenal loved it that way. Her face wrinkled and she got wriggled like a worm on the sofa and hugged the quilt more tightly. She just couldn't sleep without a quilt. It was like a shining shield of a warrior heading for a battle. Her eyes opened mildly, enough to see the time. 10 am was just too insanely early for her especially on a Saturday morning. Just as she was to place her phone back on the table it rang.

On the other end was Meenal's sister. Begging her to get up and come home. Her baby was not well and she had the carpenter coming home. The list was endless. Meenal was not listening. The only thing that she understood was that she had to get up and drive down the street about  3 Km or so. She hated this. "Why can't people manage their life by themself? " She asked this with anger and hidden irritation to her family's dependence on her for everything small and big.

She took off the blanket from her and let it lie on the sofa. If was like as if the quilt was pleading her to come back and hug it tight, just like a kid begging for his mother to carry him. Her eye still couldn't open, may be it was the vodka from last night. She loved the way it mixed with orange juice, sacrificing its taste and sting for the sourness and mild sweet of the orange juice. At times she felt that she was the vodka and her sister the orange juice. Drinking may or may not be injurious to health. It is surely injurious to the thought process. Its like a mild storm in the otherwise clear sky.

She washed up as soon as possible. She shoulder length hair was dripping wet. She put on her favourite red Levis T shirt and navy blue shorts. She tucked her hair behind her ears as she saw her reflection on the mirror. She stepped out of the bathroom and walked towards the dresser. That's when she noticed the calender. It was 19th of May. The birthday of her ex.

That somehow made her mind unrestful and disturbed. He was no longer hers, he was Mr. Anitha. She preferred to call him that way just to remind herself that their 4 year long relationship was no more alive. It didn't hurt much now a days. Time can heal everything. Plus it was the most amicable split up of face of this planet. She had learnt that people don't get married if they were not meant to be. They were not meant to be.  For the first time she felt comfortable with that fact.

She gathered all that she needed into her purple bag and left to the parking lot. She loved her green Spark. It was more a friend and less a car. She was wondering why she was happy and light after a whole year. She thought that she could never overcome that loss. She was just smiling, her brain attributed it to the  vodka, but she knew that it was maturing and sense that had dawned on to her. After driving for 3 minutes she puled the car to the pavement side and called Mr. Anitha. The wait for him to pick the call was long and tense. What if he doesn't want to talk kept ringing in her head.

"Hello, Meenal!" said a voice that she felt was hers. Instead of tears there was relief. The truth had dawned upon her. We cannot own anyone or anything for that matter. We can be with people and use things for a while. Period of this relationship is uncertain. That is what made it more special. After a pause she said, "Happy birthday...". They spoke general things for a minute or so. She realised that she didn't know what to talk with him after that. She used to talk hours with him a year ago. Time changes everything. They said take care and hung up. It felt good, she didn't know why. After long she had gathered courage to talk something meaningful to him. She was over that loss and pain. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference and she had achieved it.

She continued to drive and reached her sister place. She parked and walked towards the gate. She felt someone hug her leg, it was her niece, Kangana. Meenal lifted her up hugged her tight and kissed her forehead just about the left eyebrow.